


watch with glittering eyes the whole world

by Ingi



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Urban Fantasy, Backstory Hints that don't go anywhere, Case Fic, Fairy Tale Curses, Family Drama, FiKi Week 2018, Fluff and Humor, Fíli is a Little Shit, Inspired by Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV), M/M, Magical Police, Married Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield, Thorin's A+ Parenting, Unconventional Format, Witch Kíli (Tolkien)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-06-08 19:31:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15250443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ingi/pseuds/Ingi
Summary: “Captain’s log, February 14th. We have infiltrated the perp’s hideout. There areso manyfrogs. Seriously, it’s like Shrek’s swamp in here-”Fíli and Kíli are partners in life and in the CFMO division of the magic police. Bilbo is their personnel coordinator and hestillwasn't ready for all that paperwork.





	1. PERSONNEL FILE - FÍLI DURIN

**Author's Note:**

> And here I come with Wednesday's prompt, " ~~Science Fiction or~~ **Fantasy** "!  
> The story proper is in chapter 3. All the other chapters are pretty much just extra in-universe material for my own amusement.
> 
> The title comes from a quote by Roald Dahl, because why the hell not. The story itself was inspired by [this lovely piece of art](http://kaciart.tumblr.com/post/52672196427) by Kaci.

PERSONNEL FILE – NATIONAL LAW ENFORCEMENT  
Department of Magic  
Sub-Department of Magic Control (Special Police Force)  
Curses and Forbidden Magical Objects Division

**FÍLI DURIN**

Full name: Fíli Durin  
Date of birth: February 14, XXXX  
Gender: Male  
Species: Human

_*For extensive personal data, request the limited-access file 83479372-J from the Department of Human Resources._

Current status: Active  
Current active case(s): A-89993k, K-3855h, K-3881d

Date of induction: September 20, XXXX.  
Previous Department(s): Dragon Division (Sub-Department of Magic Control)  
Liason: No  
Cleared for inter-division work: Yes  
Current partner: Kíli Durin (September 27, XXXX)  
Previous partner(s): Thorin Oakenshield (March 12, XXXX – September 10, XXXX)  
Family in the Force: Dís Durin (Head of the Sub-Department of Magic Control), Thorin Oakenshield (Head of the Dragon Division), Bilbo Baggins (Personnel Coordinator for the Sub-Department of Magic Control), Kíli Durin (Curses and Forbidden Magical Objects Division)

 

Magical aptitude: No  
Self-identifies as: -  
Grade: 0B (Non-Magical, Possible Aptitude)

MAGICAL APTITUDE NOTES  
-Non-Magical, but possible minor magical sensitivity.

-Recorded magical aptitude in close blood family members (Kíli Durin, brother).

-Classified as 0B instead of 0A due to standard procedure on existence of a recorded magical blood family member.

 

Title(s): Lore Specialist  
Other skills: Rules and Procedures, Magical Customs, Formal Protocols, Magical History (General)

 

Hired by: Dáin Ironfoot (Human Resources)  
Approved by: Smaug Arany (Head of the Department of Magic)

NOTES FROM HUMAN RESOURCES  
-For HR notes on induction in the Sub-Department of Magic Control (March 12, XXXX), see personnel file for the Dragon Division.

-Transfer to the Curses and Forbidden Magical Objects Division approved by the Board on September 19, XXXX. Several members agreed that his talents were being wasted in the Dragon Division.

-The agent accepted Kíli Durin as partner on September 27, XXXX. When asked if he thought he would face the same problems he’d had with his previous partner, he confirmed that he was expecting his partnership with Kíli Durin to work flawlessly. He added, with notable bitterness, that there would be no “concerning emotional distance” whatsoever between he and Kíli Durin, if the Board had any concerns about that. Given that his was the exact wording on the HR notes in our private files, we contacted IT for a re-encryption of our data; however, there was no hard proof of a data breach, and so this was not recorded as a disciplinary incident in the agent’s file.

-Has potential as future Head of the Curses and Forbidden Magical Objects Division.

 

Inter-division interaction: Dragon Division, Magical Users Division  
Formed task forces: The Company (Dragon Division, Curses and Forbidden Magical Objects Division, Magical Technology Division)

INTER-DIVISON WORK NOTES  
-Joined task force “The Company” on September 9, XXXX, upon its creation by Thorin Oakenshield. See file 11124-E-4.

-Collaborated with the Magical Users Division in case U-3456d.

 

Disciplinary incidents: No  
Disciplinary action currently active: No

 

NOTES FROM PERSONNEL COORDINATOR (SD-MC)

-Drafted file on September 19, XXXX, as temporal Personnel Coordinator (SD-MC). File added to the official list to update according to new guidelines, sent a reminder to new Personnel Coordinator. – Dís Durin.

-Updated file on October 1, XXXX to fit new personnel guidelines. - Bilbo Baggins.

-HR contacted me on February 4, XXXX with an old update regarding field “Species”. Details non-relevant for this file’s field, but recorded in 83479372-J. Further conversation with HR’s Magic Officer on the works, to discern the effects of possible dwarf ancestry on magical aptitude. – Bilbo Baggins.

 

PRIVATE NOTES  
_Only visible to BILBO BAGGINS._

-Draft a request for HR to update 83479372-J, field “Relationship status”, to “In a Relationship”. Check box “With an Agent of the Force”, request form 1290 for approval of relationships between police partners.  
(Dear lord, please let me be wrong. More paperwork is the last thing I need.)

-Make sure to never start a meeting with the Dragon Division late enough that he has to sit and socialize. (It is bad for morale. For everyone involved.)  
If allocated seats, remember to sit him with a wall at one side and Kíli at the other!

 

 

 


	2. PERSONNEL FILE - KÍLI DURIN

PERSONNEL FILE – NATIONAL LAW ENFORCEMENT  
Department of Magic  
Sub-Department of Magic Control (Special Police Force)  
Curses and Forbidden Magical Objects Division

**KÍLI DURIN**

Full name: Kíli Durin  
Date of birth: August 26, XXXX  
Gender: Male  
Species: Human

_*For extensive personal data, request the limited-access file 83479394-J from the Department of Human Resources._

Current status: Active  
Current active case(s): A-89993k, K-3855h, K-3881d

Date of induction: September 27, XXXX.  
Previous Department(s): -  
Liason: No  
Cleared for inter-division work: Yes  
Current partner: Fíli Durin (September 27, XXXX)  
Previous partner(s): -  
Family in the Force: Dís Durin (Head of the Sub-Department of Magic Control), Thorin Oakenshield (Head of the Dragon Division), Bilbo Baggins (Personnel Coordinator for the Sub-Department of Magic Control), Fíli Durin (Curses and Forbidden Magical Objects Division)

 

Magical aptitude: Yes  
Self-identifies as: Hedge Witch, Hearth Witch, Fey Witch, Chaos Witch  
Grade: 4B (Minor Risk, To Watch)

MAGICAL APTITUDE NOTES  
-No record of magical aptitude in close blood family members.

-Instinctive magic. Low-to-medium control.

-Extensive magical knowledge (claimed as instinctive, suspected as at least partially learned - Protocol of Silence engaged at suspicions of non-government-approved magic).

-Classified as 4B instead of 4A due to standard procedure after self-identification (and identification by HR’s Magic Officer) as Chaos Witch.

-Attended several minor magic training courses (recorded in file 83479394-J), all magic-specific. Refused general non-magic-specific control training.

 

Title(s): -  
Other skills: Social (Inter-species), Magical Knowledge, Magical History (Inter-species)

 

Hired by: Dáin Ironfoot (Human Resources)  
Approved by: Smaug Arany (Head of the Department of Magic)

NOTES FROM HUMAN RESOURCES  
-Potential for excellent field work, but for disciplinary action as well. See notes below on necessary partner characteristics for optimum performance.

-Ideal partner characteristics: level-headed, knowledge-based specialist, good organization skills.

-Requested Fíli Durin as partner. The Board gave preliminar approval, due to the agent’s characteristics fitting those of the ideal partner; in addition, several members recommended it for formal approval (Meeting: September 19, XXXX).

-Remarkably good social skills. Recommended candidate for cases involving “difficult” agents.

-Needs constant stimulation. His best performance will be in complex cases. Do NOT allow gaps between high-involvement cases, it will only hinder performance.

 

Inter-division interaction: Dragon Division, Magical Users Division  
Formed task forces: The Company (Dragon Division, Curses and Forbidden Magical Objects Division, Magical Technology Division)

INTER-DIVISON WORK NOTES  
-Joined task force “The Company” on September 27, XXXX. See file 11124-E-4.

-Collaborated with the Magical Users Division in cases U-3456d, U-3335n, and S-90906k.

 

Disciplinary incidents: Yes - 1  
Disciplinary action currently active: No

DISCIPLINARY NOTES  
-January 19, XXXX: Got involved in case D-2995d, which was assigned to the Dragon Division. Argued that, as the case involved a magical artefact, it could be considered a candidate for co-assignment with the Curses and Forbidden Magical Objects Division. This argument was rejected. However, no agent from the Dragon Division had been available at the moment, the case had been time-sensitive, and the agent’s intervention had prevented harm to civilians. Because of this, and because the Dragon Division refused to present a complaint, no disciplinary action was taken. The incident was recorded for reference, and as a warning to the agent.

 

NOTES FROM PERSONNEL COORDINATOR (SD-MC)

-Drafted file on September 24, XXXX, as temporal Personnel Coordinator (SD-MC). File added to the official list to update according to new guidelines, sent a reminder to new Personnel Coordinator. – Dís Durin.

-Updated file on October 2, XXXX to fit new personnel guidelines. – Bilbo Baggins.

-HR contacted me on February 4, XXXX with an old update regarding field “Species”. Details non-relevant for this file’s field, but recorded in 83479394-J. Further conversation with HR’s Magic Officer on the works, to discern the effects of possible dwarf ancestry on magical aptitude. – Bilbo Baggins.

 

PRIVATE NOTES  
_Only visible to BILBO BAGGINS._

-Draft a request for HR to update 83479394-J, field “Relationship status”, to “In a Relationship”. Check box “With an Agent of the Force”, request form 1290 for approval of relationships between police partners.  
(The Company suspects, except for Thorin, who I very much doubt has even considered it. All the more reasons to prepare for it, in my book.)

-NEVER offer coffee before 11am. It does NOT help!

 

 

 


	3. watch with glittering eyes the whole world

“Captain’s log, February 14th. We have infiltrated the perp’s hideout. There are _so many_ frogs. Seriously, it’s like Shrek’s swamp in here-”

Fíli was very much considering picking up a frog and throwing it at his brother’s head. The _only_ reason he was restraining himself was that one of those frogs was probably their victim and missing person, Barney Butterbur.

“Why won’t you use all that talking to fill up the paperwork for once?” he said, irritated, already knowing the answer.

He walked around Kíli to get a better look at the room — a medium-sized lab of some kind, with books and pipettes and flasks laying everywhere except for the big wooden table in the middle of the room, which was covered in frogs. Actually, so was the floor. And the bookshelves. There were frogs stuck to the _ceiling_ , croaking happily.

“Boring,” Kíli said, rolling his eyes. “D’you think good ol’ Gollum is gonna be happy if I hand in a report with a Shrek reference in it? And d’you think _I’ll_ be happy if I don’t?”

“Please never call Sméagol that ever again,” Fíli groaned, horrified. “That’s what his _husband_ calls him.”

“It means ‘golden treasure’ in Old Norse,” Kíli said, in a raspy, disturbingly high-pitched voice that tried to imitate Sméagol but really only made him sound like he was being choked. “Ugh. I never thought his husband could be as bad as him, y’know, with all that staring at his wedding ring in adoration that he does, but that pet name-”

“Kíli,” Fíli warned, and his brother paused immediately and gazed around the room, eyes narrowed.

Then he turned to look at Fíli and shook his head, dramatically severe.

“Nope! No booby-trapping curses in the room, ready to turn us into the slimy new neighbors of those guys.”

Fíli could feel a headache coming on. He ignored Kíli’s cheery pointing at the frogs and bumped his head against his brother’s shoulders, begging for death. He _hated_ working on his birthday. He hated his birthday. Sometimes he even hated working at all.

“Just check, Kee, please,” he said. “ _Properly_.”

Kíli directed his most put-on sigh in his direction, but didn’t try to dislodge him from his shoulder. Instead, he started patting his pockets, and Fíli braced himself for a long interlude.

It’d recently gotten into Kíli’s head that he should start wearing the uniform designed for the witches in the Magical Users Division, even though it was the most stereotypical, ridiculous thing Fíli’d ever seen. He suspected that Kíli got some sick pleasure out of it, just like he got it out of wearing the least witch-y outfits that he could find as a civilian—he was very into the grunge aesthetic, lately—. However, the typical witch robe that was part of the uniform lacked pockets, which Kíli deemed unacceptable, so he had- _adapted_ it, until Fíli wasn’t sure it technically could be called a robe anymore.

It was pretty much just a full-body-length utility belt, at that point.

“Aha!” Kíli grinned, and whipped out a Magic Eight-Ball. It wasn’t cracked to the point of concern, so Fíli assumed that his brother had finally procured himself a new one with the voucher he had very pointedly left on their kitchen table. “Are there any curses in this room?”

He turned the toy around and squinted at it, before letting out a snort. Fíli peeked over his shoulder.

“My sources say no,” he read. “Well, then.”

“I’m your sources, you little bastard,” Kíli mumbled affectionately at the toy, putting it back into one of his pockets. He turned a pout on Fíli. “See? You could’ve just trusted my instinct. If I don’t feel anything wrong, then there’s probably nothing.”

“It doesn’t always work like that. You _know_ it doesn’t,” Fíli replied.

“It’s like you enjoy watching me show off my gang,” Kíli huffed, smirking.

As a matter of fact, Fíli _did_.

His brother’s ‘gang’ was whatever bunch of random artifacts that he was carrying around at any given moment, and which were woefully inadequate for any proper witch to use for their magic. It made many—typically unpleasant—people twitch whenever they saw Kíli shaking a Magic Eight-Ball—which was really only as magical as _he_ made it—instead of reciting a detection spell, or sinking into meditation. It was _delightful_.

He did not generally see the point in provoking people, but if they couldn’t see past Kíli’s methods to realize his power, then he wasn’t going to lose sleep over Kíli’s harmless taunting of them.

“Look,” Kíli said, nodding at a small green pendant laying on the table, semi-hidden behind a frog. “It feels magick-y. And it’s green for influence from Venus- or because green is pretty, uh. One of those.”

Fíli approached the table warily and examined the pendant without touching it. Three sigils were carved on it, and they were standard sigils for demon power—thankfully, not everyone was as unorthodox as his brother—, so Fíli could easily recognize them.

He took a step back and glanced around the room, the frogs covering every surface, and breathed in slowly, steering himself.

“Transformation,” he told Kíli, who blinked at him in confusion. “Barma, Marbas, and Ose. The demon sigils in the pendant, Kíli- they share the power of transformation.”

Kíli stared at a nearby frog, grim.

“Ah. Welcome to the first edition of _Who’s Wally_. I’m gonna be detransforming frogs _all week_.”

“It’ll be easier to just turn them back human,” Fíli reminded him, tugging gently at a strand of dark hair.

“No, you know what happens when you try to turn back human something that never _was_ human- D’you want me to wake up screaming in the middle of the night? If you need an excuse to kick me out of bed-”

“I doubt any of these are really frogs.”

“But-” Kíli’s face scrunched up. Fíli fought back the urge to poke at it, reminding himself that they were on the clock and it was childish—which probably wasn’t appropiate—and possibly counted as flirting in Kíli’s book—which, considering they hadn’t informed the Department of their relationship, was _definitely_ not appropiate—. “The planet influence is- it’s not right, is it?”

“Venus could work, for transformation,” Fíli replied, and after a beat, admitted, “but it’s linked to harmony. Saturn would be better.”

Kíli tapped his fingers on the table, utterly ignoring any safety precautions.

“It smells like vanilla and apples in here. Is that for the ritual?”

“The perp probably used incense to link it further with Venus,” Fíli said. “They’re the right smells.”

“If they have to use all these rituals,” Kíli said, confidently, “then they don’t have the will to turn so many people into frogs. Especially if the planet influence is not quite right.”

“I bow to your superior knowledge,” Fíli replied with a smirk, knowing when he had been bested.

And before he could blink, Kíli had grinned and turned to kiss him, barely a quick press of lips, and then stepped back to make faces at a frog.

“Barney Butterbur,” he mumbled, “if you’re in there, please speak up now and save us all the trouble.”

Fíli watched, amused, as his brother waited a few moments for a response and sighed deeply when none was forthcoming. And really, Kíli _had_ checked that there was nothing that could hurt them in the room, and their suspect was in Department custody, so he leaned against a wall and settled in for a long wait.

Almost immediately, his communicator cracked to life.

“Fíli,” said Bilbo’s long-suffering voice from the other side of the line, “they’ve let your suspect go. Someone is escorting her back into the building, she should be in the lab at any moment. Should I mention, I have _just_ been informed of this? Sméagol _just_ came out of his office to tell me. No one could be bothered to call me through the very expensive communicators the Department has been provided with, see-”

“They’re letting the perp go?” Fíli repeated, jaw clenched. “The report was right- she has turned Barney Butterbur into a frog. Kíli’s still complaining under his breath about transformation cases.”

His brother glanced his way briefly at the mention of his name, but was otherwise completely absorbed in his muttering and his hand-waving at the frogs.

“The report was half-right, which is a clear improvement from the usual,” Bilbo said. “Barney Butterbur is currently transformed into a frog, but your suspect gave an official declaration and- well, she’s not quite a suspect anymore, I fear. She’s a witness.” A pause. “Oh, and she’ll be bringing Mister Butterbur back to the lab. She had him the whole time, you see, hidden away in her purse.”

Fíli sighed and tapped Kíli’s shoulder.

“Stop it, Kee. That’s a frog.”

His brother glared at him in outrage, pointing at his face with half a Hello Kitty chopstick he was using as a wand at the moment.

“I _know_ that now. It’s what I was checking! What _you_ said-”

“No, Kee,” Fíli snorted. “Don’t bother. _All_ of these are frogs.”

Kíli raised his eyebrows so high Fíli feared for the integrity of his face. And then, staring right into Fíli’s eyes, he broke what was left of the chopstick in half and stalked off to sulk.

An hour later, a very apologetic woman finally took their victim back from Fíli’s hands—which by that point were so slimy that it was all Fíli could do not to grimace—, only to place it carefully on Kíli’s, presumably so he could reverse the frog transformation.

Kíli immediately stopped grinning.

“Blegh,” he mumbled, but their witness was too busy fretting to hear it.

“I won’t get in trouble for this, will I?” she nervously asked. “I mean, I know I should’ve warned Barney’s mom that I was taking him, but- I, uh, forgot? I didn’t think she’d assume _I_ had turned him into a frog. I’m his best friend!”

“She didn’t assume you had, ma’am,” Fíli repeated, with a patience he didn’t feel. He didn’t want to be short with a witness, but he’d been holding a _frog_ for the past hour while she repeated her declaration to them. He wasn’t feeling particularly forgiving. “She thought the same person who had turned him into a frog had stolen him from her. My partner and I were led to believe that you were that person, because of the evidence available.”

“I’m a biologist,” the witness hissed, irritated. “Specialized in _frogs_. And this is my lab – of course I have some!”

“You really should’ve waited for us to arrive, though, Betsy,” Kíli said, face still twisted in disgust at the frog he was holding- at their _victim_. “Barney’s mom called, we were already on our way. And a transformation crime is much simpler than a transformation _and_ kidnapping one. We could all be home by now!”

“Sorry!” the witness sighed, affectionately patting the frog. “But I had to try! I really thought the ritual would work-”

“I told you,” Kíli said, turning to Fíli. “Something wasn’t right with that.”

Fíli glowered at him. They’d already had a conversation regarding _not interrupting witnesses_ , but it had gone over about as well as Fíli had expected. But he wouldn’t bother pressing the issue if he didn’t have to, because his brother _still_ charmed the witnesses into trusting them, somehow.

“Yes, alright, it was using Venus influence because _reversing_ a transformation _is_ harmonious,” Fíli said, barely refraining from rolling his eyes.

“It’s not your fault, Betsy,” Kíli added, grinning encouragingly at her. “It feels like a very complex spell. It’s not something you can reverse with sigils and an amulet.”

“I also tried the true love’s kiss! I’ve carried Barney to about a dozen bars – you wouldn’t believe how hard it is to get sober people to kiss a frog – but it didn’t work at all!”

Kíli latched onto that like it was the last shirt in the city with a terrible magic-related pun—the shirt he was currently wearing under his witch robes said _Get stoned_ , and it wasn’t even the worst one he owned—. He put the frog down on the table, keeping a single finger on top of it as if trying to make sure they didn’t get it confused with any other frog in the surroundings.

“Did you try kissing it yourself?”

The witness blinked slowly, considering it, and finally shrugged and leaned in to _kiss the frog_.

Fíli had hacked into their personal agent files months ago, so he knew that their bosses suspected Kíli of knowing illegal magic. And he had never asked his brother about it—to keep some plausible deniability, of course, even though the files were _definitely_ right—, but among those illegal powers there had to be some kind of supernatural ability to charm people into doing _things_. It was unnatural.

And even more incredibly, the frog croaked once and, too fast for Fíli’s eyes to see, turned back human.

“Betsy?” Barney Butterbur said, wide-eyed, and obviously too shocked to jump off the table he was suddenly sitting on.

It was a blur of laughter, incredulity, and good wishes after that, and Fíli couldn’t really keep track of it, nor he wanted to. He was already dreading the report he’d have to write.

But it was worth it, because Butterbur had the memory of his transformation intact, and he pointed them towards a nearby shop that presumably belonged to the witch who had cursed him. And the shop sold love-related magic almost exclusively. _And_ it had an insultingly big, glitter-covered special display for Valentine’s day.

Kíli cheered out loud when he saw it.

“Why,” Fíli sighed, thinking longingly of home, where he _should_ be, doing something that didn’t make him want to quit the Force.

He glanced at his brother, an automatic gesture to check he was still close before they walked into potential danger, and found him scowling. Not fake-scowling, or exaggerating it for show, like he often did. He was scowling only slightly, which was more cause for concern, and his eyes were clear and intent.

Fíli loved him, and he loved his silliness and his cheerfulness, he loved him jumping all over the place and being over-the-top and confusing people into thinking he was about as deep as a kiddie pool. But that was only surface, and Fíli loved him most when he didn’t hide the core underneath, the steel and the brightness and the focus, the will, the _power_.

He loved him most, then, because it was impossible not to, and because Kíli had still chosen _him_ , he kept choosing him.

Even though he was, apparently, rightfully pissed at him at the moment.

“You know, usually the whole bastard routine is funny,” Kíli said, scrutinizing his face, “but I’m just not into it today. You’re overplaying it.”

Fíli grimaced. He _had_ been uncharacteristically short with everyone and everything the whole day.

“I didn’t-” He sighed, tentively brushing a strand of dark hair away from Kíli’s eyes. “I’m sorry. It’s- bad, today.”

Kíli immediately softened, even though his eyes remained intent, and leaned his head into Fíli’s hand affectionately.

“I figured,” he snorted. “No need to be a dick, though.”

“I know. Sorry,” Fíli repeated, low, and let Kíli take his hand to press a kiss against the palm. “Let’s close this case and I’ll take you out-”

“Date way or assassination way?”

Fíli could feel himself smiling, just a little.

“Both?” he suggested. “It’s Valentine’s day. It is unavoidable.”

“And to think people _like_ this holiday,” Kíli complained, shuddering. “Thorin and Bilbo will be all Valentine-y today. It was bad enough this morning, but-”

“I know,” Fíli said, conmiseratingly. “We should have never let them marry.”

“If I had known-” Kíli mumbled, starting off towards the perp’s shop. Fíli smiled to himself and followed him, knowing he had been forgiven. “So _that’s_ why they ask for objections in the ceremony. No wonder Bilbo scrapped that part.”

Fíli was certain that he and his brother were sporting similar expressions of horror when they walked into the shop. Neither of them was a fan of Valentine’s day, and while Kíli did like being jokingly sugary and laughing at some of the more extravagant displays, the inside of the shop was clearly too much even for him.

“Welcome!” the short, redheaded witch behind the counter says, beaming. “Happy Valentine’s day, agents! Here on a break?”

They raised their badges at the same time, watched as her face fell.

“We’re here on official business, ma’am,” Kíli said, grinning. “Now, why don’t you tell us about Barney Butterbur?”

“Oh, for the love of- _fine_. Whatever. That Barney guy- He came into my shop looking for a charm that would reveal his true love,” the perp replied, looking more irritated than anything. “But he was _really_ obnoxious about it. And clearly pining. But he _still_ flirted with me, and it was rush hour - I had a queue of costumers that reached the corner of the street – so I gave him what he wanted. For free, even! In a way that would make him shut up, of course.”

“You cursed him into a frog,” Fíli reminded her.

“It was a fairy tale love curse!” the witch replied, indignant. “It’s my speciality, but they need so much power, they only work right on Valentine’s day. He should be grateful, frankly.”

“I mean, to be fair- it worked,” Kíli said, shrugging at the look Fíli sent him. “But he was all _slimy_ , and had to be kissed by about a hundred drunk strangers. Not my idea of a good gift, ma’am.”

“Exactly,” Fíli said. “Now, if you would come with us to the precinct so we can take your declaration-”

“In _Valentine’s day_?” the witch yelled, horrified. “It’s my biggest money-maker! I have things to do today! And _people_ to do! Do you know what my wives will say if I come late to our dinner because I’ve been _arrested_?!”

“Fíli,” Kíli said under his breath, but Fíli wasn’t particularly concerned.

She wasn’t malicious, so she’d be a pain to bring to the precinct at most. They had nothing to worry about.

Except for the Valentine-themed snowglobe she was picking up from the counter and hurling at Kíli.

It exploded before it even reached him, glass and glitter turning into magic, and a thick pink fog covered the room for about half a minute. When it cleared, the witch was gone.

And Kíli was laying on the floor, silent and still.

Fíli didn’t worry, at first, because Kíli raised protective shields instinctively when he sensed magic with malicious intent coming at him, and he had been hit square in the face by that magical snowglobe, so the magic couldn’t possibly be dangerous. But Kíli didn’t wake up—although he was breathing, slow and steady, and Fíli had to sit down beside him for a moment to recover from the violent burst of relief that had overwhelmed him—.

Fíli was a lore specialist, but he had never heard of the effects of magical snowglobes, and he didn’t have a drop of magic. He was pretty much useless.

So of course, he went back to the precinct.

It might have not been his brightest idea, despite all.

“She did _what_?!” Bilbo hissed, fingers curling around the edge of his desk.

The entire division of Curses and Forbidden Magical Objects was already staring at them—and so was the Dragon division, because of course, this was _just_ the week for Fíli’s uncle to blow up his own office and force them to take his entire division in theirs—, but Bilbo’s outrage was not helping.

Fíli had left a still asleep Kíli in the Infirmary, only because Óin and his magic-specialist nurse refused to examine him with Fíli in the room. Fíli realized, objectively, that there were real, rational concerns for that refusal, because he had enough magical knowledge to know that. But he couldn’t help but think that Óin was also being _petty_.

He hadn’t really meant to complain about it to Bilbo, but as the personnel coordinator of the sub-department of Magic Control, he had a desk in the office of every single division—even though he tended to only use two or three of them—, and he had conveniently been in the one in their division for the day. Because Fíli’s _uncle_ was now there, of course. But Bilbo was still a good listener, and he was _right there_ -

He should have known.

“We had our guard down,” he admitted to Bilbo, grimacing. “She wasn’t a threat.”

“Perhaps not a threat, but a _nuisance_ -!”

“Bilbo,” Fíli hissed, “don’t. If Uncle hears-”

“What is it that I hear about a _curse_?” Thorin’s booming voice said from their left. He approached Bilbo’s desk, his preferred subordinates and family following behind him. “What did you do now?”

“Thorin,” Dwalin said, physically dragging him a step back. “We don’t have time for arguments, we’re behind on the case. Is your brother alright?” he asked Fíli, soberly.

“He’s asleep,” Fíli replied, gritting his teeth. “But the curse was not malicious.”

“But you don’t know what it is,” Thorin said, scowling at him and probably at the world at large, as usual.

“No, Uncle. But I’m going to find out.”

Fíli turned on his heels and left them all behind, ignoring whatever Nori was shouting at him. He was nearly at the Infirmary when he realized that Bilbo and Thorin were following, undeterred.

“He shouldn’t have been so confident that you would not be attacked,” Thorin said at his back, clear censure in his tone. “And you should have known that he would be, and behaved as such! I told you when he applied that he was too reckless for this job-”

“Thorin,” Bilbo interrupted, voice like steel. “We _talked_ about this-”

“No arguing in my Infirmary!” Óin yelled, and Thorin and Bilbo glanced around, startled, as if they hadn’t even noticed Fíli leading them into the room. “It won’t do much good, either way- the lad has the sleep of the innocent, he does.”

He gestured at the only occupied bed on the room, in which Kíli laid, looking exactly as he had when Fíli left him—although Fíli couldn’t figure out whether that was a good sign—. The magic-specialist nurse Óin occasionally stole from the sub-department of Magical Creatures had a hand on Kíli’s forehead, and they glowed white where they were touching. Fíli recognized the light as fey magic, but decided it was too gentle to be healing.

“What did she do?” he asked, approaching the bed and wrapping a hand around Kíli’s wrist. The pulse under his fingers was reassuring enough.

“It’s some kind of curse,” Tauriel replied, pulling away. The white glow dimmed and disappeared. “We don’t yet know which one. Óin’s instruments are thrown off by it, and I’ve never seen anything like it before – we don’t get many benign curses in the tactical unit.”

“I can’t believe I’m saying this,” Óin grumbled, “but I miss my usual nurse.”

“Legolas?” Bilbo said, eyebrows raised. “You’re always complaining about him!”

“Everyone always does,” Tauriel snorted. “But he’s the one specialized in healing magic.”

“And I’m the most qualified lore specialist of my division,” Fíli reminded them, fingers tightening slightly around his brother’s wrist. “Tell me how it works, and I’ll figure out what it is and how to break it.”

His tone brooked no argument. Even uncle Thorin was silent, watching Kíli with a grimace of dismay.

“He sleeps,” Tauriel said, after a moment. “But he is also protected from anyone who might do him harm, and that protection feels- it feels like part of the curse, not like his own magic.”

“His vitals are more consistent with coma than with sleep, even _magical_ sleep,” Óin corrected her, scowling. “I don’t like it.”

“Coma patients age, and deteriorate,” Tauriel said, with a shake of her head. “He’s protected even from that. This curse looks like some life-preservation spells I’ve seen.”

Fíli remembered reading about those, years ago. Kíli had been into Greek mythology at that time, and constantly ranting about Achilleus and Pátroklos and how they had _clearly_ been gay lovers, and he was going to convince his professor of it.

At some point, he had mentioned how Achilleus had refused to let Pátroklos be buried. Fíli hadn’t know much about Greek mythology—yet—, but he _had_ read _Antigone_ , and that seemed more like a punishment than like an act of love.

So naturally, he’d had to look into it.

Achilleus had asked his mother to preserve Pátroklos with magic, so that he could have time to convince the other gods to return Pátroklos to him. It had been the earliest use of a life-preserving spell recorded, and inspired many of the others that were shown in posterior fiction.

Fíli had found a list of examples inspired by the Greek myth, at some point. King Arthur, the Seven Sleepers of Epheseus, Brynhildr- even some fairy tales. _Fairy tales_.

“The witch who cursed Kíli,” Fíli said, thinking almost too fast for even himself to follow, “she specialized in fairy tale love curses.”

“Lad, I’m no expert in-”

“Sleeping Beauty is the most famous fairy tale depiction of a life-preservation spell.”

Thorin and Óin looked skeptic—Fíli was trying _not_ to focus on them—, but Tauriel immediately moved back to beside Kíli’s bed and took the wrist Fíli wasn’t already holding.

“I can try and sense the condition blocking the removal of the curse,” she said, with a grin that was all teeth. “Traditional spells tend to have that written into them like- like some kind of source code.”

“If it’s one of those Sleeping Beauty love curses,” Óin said, looking like he was trying not to laugh, “then we all know what the condition is, lass.”

“It’d be negligent not to make sure,” Tauriel replied, already distracted by the magic she was casting. Fíli suddenly understood why Kíli liked her so much. “A true love’s kiss,” she finally sighed. “Galadriel would be able to follow the red threads from his soul to others’, but she’s out of the country.”

“And who _else_ do you turn to in cases like this?” Thorin said, showing without meaning to that he was remarkedly out of his depth.

Fíli smiled wryly.

“Kíli.” He didn’t feel the need to elaborate, until Thorin raised his eyebrows at him with clear disbelief. “He can’t follow the red threads, but he always _knows_ , somehow.”

“And that _definitely_ doesn’t sound like magic he’s not supposed to have, according to the department,” Tauriel said, amused.

“Shush,” Bilbo piped up, eyes down and skimming through whatever he was checking on his tablet. “I didn’t hear anything about illegal, undeclared magic- but stop chatting about it. In any case, I believe undines can sense true love, which is a different category than soulmates either way, and closer to what the curse demands. We have a half-undine in the sub-department of Magical Creatures, although I don’t know whether they’re available at the moment-”

Fíli didn’t want to explain to them that he didn’t need an undine to tell him who Kíli’s One was—even if Kíli himself didn’t much like the concept of a one true love, or a soulmate, or even a _One_ , as their dwarven ancestry called it—. But he also _didn’t_ want to wait for weeks until an agent with the required skills became available, only for said agent to say what he already knew.

“They _must_ be,” Thorin said, darkly. “This is a health emergency and agents-”

“It’s not an emergency,” Bilbo replied, rolling his eyes. Óin nodded in agreement, but pretended to be stretching his neck when Thorin glanced at him. “Kíli’s perfectly fine, really. He might as well be in a spa, for how this curse is treating him, and- Oh. No, they’re not available. Some mission in- well, some mission I can’t tell you about, if you don’t have clearance.”

Kíli wouldn’t mind if he told—he would only mind that he’d missed all of it—, and really, it was all going to come to light sooner or later- sooner, considering the direction the day was going in. And Fíli did not cherish the idea of having it discovered without him there to do damage control, although frankly, he’d rather not deal with the consequences at all.

“Call them back, then,” Thorin insisted, glaring at his husband in a way that Bilbo was completely impervious to. Which was the only reason Bilbo allowed it, of course. “We need of their services, _ghivashel_.”

“We’ll be _fine_ , Thorin.”

Fíli sighed and looked at Tauriel, who was smiling at him in a very particular way. Kíli hadn’t told her, but she seemed to know _something_.

She made a gesture in Kíli's direction. It could’ve meant an encouraging _try it_ or perhaps only a wry _he’s like this and still they argue_ , and Fíli had no real way of knowing which it was. But he leaned over his brother, fingers still wrapped around one of Kíli’s wrists, and pressed their lips together very briefly.

There was the immediate flutter of eyelashes. As Fíli pulled away, Kíli’s eyes swung wide open.

“What the fuck,” he said.

Fíli could feel his brother’s magic like a physical presence—which was rare enough that he didn’t recognize it at first—, rising and grabbing at him with invisible fingers, checking him over for damage or discomfort. It was gentle and not dissimilar from a light wind, if the wind felt like a hug without anyone touching you.

“Kee, do you remember-”

“Love magic shop with a terrible Valentine’s day display, witch in a polyamorous marriage throwing something at my face-” Kíli listed, as he sat on the bed, rubbing at his forehead. “I’m fine, but _what the fuck_.”

He stared directly into Fíli’s eyes, making a very complicated expression that Fíli interpreted as a request to confirm whether the kiss had really happened.

Fíli nodded slightly and put a hand on his shoulder, more to reassure himself than anything else.

“It was some Sleeping Beauty curse thing, laddie,” Óin said, gaping at them and trying to pretend he wasn’t, “for what I’m told. We were gonna wait for an undine or the Lady, but you brother here- uh, he-”

Kíli looked around the room, half-confused and half taking note of everyone present and whether they could be fooled—Fíli had already thought of that, but- they could _not_ —. In the end, he just opened his arms wide, with the brightest grin Fíli had ever seen of him, and yelled:

“Surprise!”

It was horrifying.

It also made Fíli burst into laughter, despite himself, as uncle Thorin grew progressively redder from either repressed anger or embarrassment, and Óin slumped on a chair with a long sigh. Tauriel turned her back on them all and pretended to be very busy handling some files.

Bilbo just kept boring holes into the screen of his tablet, eyes wet.

“How long?” Thorin hissed.

“Uhm,” Kíli darted a glance at Fíli, a guilty half-smile in his face. “A year? Maybe? Maybe- forever?”

“A year in March,” Fíli said, shaking his head. His brother was terrible at dates. But still- His fingers curled around Kíli’s shoulder to stop their shaking. “Maybe forever,” he admitted quietly.

“A _year_ ,” Thorin repeated. “And Dís-”

“She knows,” Kíli said.

“Then how is it _possible_ that I-”

Fíli could see it coming, could perhaps stop it, but- he was so _tired_. It was time for his uncle to grow up and face the consequences of his own choices.

“It was none of your business,” Kíli replied, sullen. “No one’s business, really,” he added, although it was hard to tell whether he was trying to soften the blow or he just honestly believed it. Fíli suspected the second, and that it was for his own sake.

He stood frozen, wanting to pull Kíli closer and being unable to—as _always_ —, until Thorin took in a pained breath and threw up his hands in exasperation.

“Very well! It’s not like you would’ve listened, either way! The both of you-” He shook his head. “Congratulations, nephews. And inform personnel. Immediately.”

“Personnel knows,” Bilbo said, typing in his tablet nearly fast enough for his fingers to be a blur. “ _Personnel_ has been trying to finish the drafts for the relationship status change for the entirety of your little scene, _husband_. Personnel is, too, trying _not_ to despair at the amount of paperwork involved, but personnel knows that he will have to chase agents Fíli and Kíli around for _weeks_ before they deign to complete the required forms, so it is of course understandable if personnel is finding himself a little misty-eyed.”

Kíli ‘awwed’ loudly and jumped out of the bed, crossing the room to hug Bilbo hard enough to lift him off the floor.

“It’s _alright_ -” he cooed, delighted.

“No!” Bilbo replied, struggling weakly in his hold. “No, it’s very much not alright! Less hugs, more signatures! Kíli! _Kíli_!”

“How long’ve you had the forms drafted, laddie?” Óin said, smirking.

“Months,” Bilbo said, ignoring Thorin’s whine of despair—and Tauriel’s quiet, discrete laughter—. “Fíli, come retrieve your brother-”

Fíli snorted and went, prying Kili away from Bilbo and pushing him towards the door. Bilbo watched them, indignant, but with his eyes fierce and fond.

“And just _where_ do you think you’re going?”

“We’re in the middle of a case, Bilbo,” Fíli reminded him, sending him a smile. “We’ll be back with the witch-”

“Sign. The. Forms!”

“Later!” Kíli called cheerfully. “Busy now!”

They walked out of the room and then they started running as soon as they were out of sight—Kíli because he was ridiculous and Fíli because _Kíli_ was doing it and because he felt kind of like he had gotten away with something precious—. Kíli clutched at his arm when they were out of the building, wheezing.

“Sorry,” he said into his shoulder, quietly. “I- I know you didn’t-”

Fíli pulled him to his chest and kissed him, a hand tugging at dark hair, bodies so close that Kíli had to feel his heart trying to beat its way out of his ribs.

“It’s alright,” he mumbled.

Kíli beamed and took his hand, and they made their way to the perp’s home.

The witch’s wives invited them to dinner. Kíli added them to his ever-growing contacts list, and Fíli smiled over his shoulder as he watched his brother switch apps and open the form that Bilbo had sent to his email.

 

 

 


	4. PERSONNEL FILE - AGENT PARTNERSHIP 312

PERSONNEL FILE – NATIONAL LAW ENFORCEMENT  
Department of Magic  
Sub-Department of Magic Control (Special Police Force)  
Curses and Forbidden Magical Objects Division

**AGENT PARTNERSHIP 312 (CFMOD)**

Agents: Fíli Durin, Kíli Durin  
Agent files (Human Resources): 83479372-J, 83479394-J  
Start of partnership: September 27, XXXX  
End of partnership: -  
Inter-species partnership: No  
Partners romantically involved: Yes

Current status: Active  
Current active case(s): A-89993k, K-3855h, K-3881d  
Next up for review: March 27, XXXX

Requested by one or both of the agents: Yes  
Preliminar approval by the HR Board: Yes  
Accepted by both agents: Yes

Cleared for inter-division work: Yes – Both agents  
Magical aptitude: Yes – One agent  
Maximum magical aptitude grade: 4  
Magical compatibility: N/A  
Combined title(s): Lore Specialist  
Combined skills: Rules and Procedures, Magical Customs, Formal Protocols, Magical History (General), Social (Inter-species), Magical Knowledge, Magical History (Inter-species)

 

NOTES FROM HUMAN RESOURCES  
-Partnership requested by Kíli Durin, preliminarly approved by the HR Board on September 19, XXXX, and officially approved by Fíli Durin and the CFMOD on September 27, XXXX.

-The agents are fraternal brothers, and claim to have a close personal relationship, as confirmed by family members (Dís Durin, Thorin Oakenshield).

-The Board believes that Fíli Durin and Kíli Durin are well-suited to each other, as they are ideal for compensating each other’s weaknesses and reinforcing each other’s strengths as agents.

-The Agent Parternship Compatibility Test supported this belief, placing this partnership’s compatibility in the 99th percentile. For comparison purposes, the parternship compatibility for Fíli Durin and his previous partner, Thorin Oakenshield, was in the 60th percentile (guaranteeing acceptable-to-high work performance, but risking the agents’ emotional health and the partnership’s stability).

-Update February 15, XXXX: Personnel Coordinator (SD-MC) Bilbo Baggins reported a change in status to “Partners romantically involved”; all files were updated. Form 1290 was submitted and approved on February 16, XXXX.

 

PERFORMANCE REVIEW (September 29, XXXX)

-Acceptance and Respect: the agents recognize and respect each other’s flaws and quirks, and accommodate with them in mind as to prevent any negative effects on the job. Score: 5/5.

-Emotional closeness: the agents are emotionally close, as to take advantage of the positive effects this has on field work, but not so dependant on each other that it becomes a problem. Score: 5/5.

-Trust: the agents trust each other’s instincts and abilities. Score: 5/5.

-Honesty: the agents share all details relevant to the cases they are working on, and of their involvement in them. Score: 4/5.

-Compromise and Strategy: the agents can compromise on what the best way to proceed on a case is, and apply an efficient strategy to close it. Score: 5/5.

-Commitment: the agents report being pleased with their partnership, and determined to keep it. Score: 5/5.

 

NOTES FROM PERSONNEL COORDINATOR (SD-MC)

-Wrote file from HR draft on September 29, XXXX, as temporal Personnel Coordinator (SD-MC). – Dís Durin.

-Form 1290 submitted to HR on February 16, XXXX. – Bilbo Baggins.

 

PRIVATE NOTES  
_Only visible to BILBO BAGGINS._

-Current betting pool on next performance review: 60/80 that Fíli and Kíli get the same score as the first one, 15/80 that they get a perfect score, 5/80 that they get a lower score.  
Nori has also predicted that HR will announce them as the new record holders of the Agent Parternship Compatibility Test scores. Bombur and Glóin bet that I’ll have to submit form 1290-B for approval of married agents in the next year (please, lord, no).

-Doctor Óin has requested that we forbid Fíli access to the Infirmary when Kíli’s in it and viceversa. I do not know how to explain to him that “I can’t cope with the drama” is not a Board-approved reason to restrict access to the Infirmary.  
Update: Dori took on that task for me. Óin has now asked whether “knocking the healthy one out, then” is Board-approved procedure. (It is not, although I’m sure Smaug the Terrible would love to stamp that form.)

 

 

 


	5. FORM 1290

NATIONAL LAW ENFORCEMENT  
Department of Magic  
Sub-Department of Human Resources

**FORM 1290**

Date of submission: February 16, XXXX  
Origin: Curses and Forbidden Magical Objects Division (SD-MC)  
Submitted by: Bilbo Baggins  
Status: APPROVED

Agent partnership: 312  
Agents involved: Fíli Durin, Kíli Durin  
Agent files (Human Resources): 83479372-J, 83479394-J  
Inter-species partnership: No

Relationship status updated: Yes  
Peer reviews received: Yes

 

STATUS NOTES  
-February 16, XXXX: Sent out video peer review requests to Bilbo Baggins (Personnel Coordinator, family), Dís Durin (Head of SD-MC, family), Thorin Oakenshield (Head of the Dragon Division, family), all non-involved members of the Company (SD-MC), and the SD-MC main Doctor. - Dáin Ironfoot.

-February 16, XXXX: Bilbo Baggins replied with a peer review. - Dáin Ironfoot.

-February 16, XXXX: The Company (SD-MC) and Thorin Oakenshield replied with a peer review. - Dáin Ironfoot.

-February 16, XXXX: The SD-MC Doctor replied with a peer review. - Dáin Ironfoot.

-February 16, XXXX: Dís Durin replied with a peer review. - Dáin Ironfoot.

-February 16, XXXX: Form approved unanimously by the Board. - Dáin Ironfoot.

 

PEER REVIEWS OVERVIEW  
_Names of the agents with no official titles have been altered. This information, as well as a full transcript, can be found in the Archives._

-Bilbo Baggins, Personnel Coordinator: “(…) They are rather reckless, both of them- although rather good at their job, of course, I did not mean to say otherwise! But they are young and sometimes they act rashly, and everyone who has seen them would agree that they act less so when they are together. (…)”

-Dís Durin, Head of the Sub-Department of Magic Control: “(…) They’re my children, but I tell you- if I had to deal with them alone, I would _murder_ them. It’s better when they take care of each other, hold each other accountable. I don’t believe their relationship would affect their work more than it already does- it is really a small change, in the bigger pattern that is what they have with each other.”

-Thorin Oakenshield, Head of the Dragon Division: “(…) My nephews are nuckleheads, Dáin- but somehow, they make it work. It’d do more harm than good to try and separate them. Trust me on this- I’ve tried before. It never ends well.”

-O., Main Doctor of the Sub-Department of Magical Control: “(…) A nightmare, I’d describe them! But that’s got nothing to do with them as a pair. Find ‘em new partners and they’ll still show up in my Infirmary like one of those Swiss clocks with the bird whenever one of ‘em breaks a nail. You can’t afford to lose them both and you can’t afford to keep ‘em apart, lad.”

-B., “(…) I taught those boys, I helped raise them like they were mine, and I can _assure you_ that whatever they have going on now was already going on then. Not exactly the same, but similar enough not to matter. (…)”

-B., “(…) they work best together. Kíli- I was not expecting this, but Kíli was the one who noticed I am in fact mute and not just ‘very quiet’. And Fíli was the one who bought the books, and nudged him into learning MSL properly with him, instead of picking it up as he went. (…)” [Translation from MSL]

-B., “(…) I don’t really see why being all intimate could make them a liability on the job, honest. They’d walk on eggshells around each other and avoid putting the other in danger, you folks say, alright, but I’ve seen them fight for an hour over which Ninja Turtle toy of the ones I’ve made has the best likeness to the original, and they’ve come to blows over it. This was _last week_. (…)”

-B., “(…) I would compare them to a delicious fruit yogurt – Greek, full fat, with summer fruits, of course! The ingredients work well separately, but why would you want them to!”

-D., “(…) I also run the Sub-department’s Records Book and I can guarantee that they came close to beating the current record for the second shortest case in the Sub-department of Magic Control. The only reason, in fact, that I do not expect them to beat the record on the _shortest_ case is that it was set when Nori was a delinquent punk- well, a delinquent punk who didn’t work for us, became Dwalin’s flatmate, and was apprehended approximately five minutes, fifteen seconds after the case for his magical artifacts trafficking had been opened. (…)”

-D., “(…) I love that lad, that I do, but I’ve never been more glad than when I heard he’d be joining the Curses and Objects division instead of ours. Fíli knows how to deal with him- do _not_ inflict him in anyone else. (…)”

-G., “(…) My Brimli and I have been married for twenty years and we are _less_ married than they are! And ‘s not like connexions like that grow in a day! (…)”

-N., “(…) we had a shared case back in November. We cracked it in pretty much a day, then I step out a _minute_ for a goddarned smoke and when I come back, Fíli is apprehending the last two perps and that brother of his has a stack of full confessions this thick and is grilling some poor guy for all he’s worth. Pretty badass, if you ask me- and yeah, yeah, efficient and all that stuff you people cream your pants over, ask Dori if you don’t believe me. (…)”

-O., “(…) but I worked with Fíli for half a year in the Dragon Division and sirs, he had most of us quaking in our boots. He’s like his uncle that way. And then, a month before he transferred, Kíli showed up in the precint, slapped his shoulder, and said, and I quote _verbatim_ , ‘Jeez, no need to look like a butt, you’re gonna scare the peasants’. And Fíli _smiled_. (…) They might not be the only ones capable of dealing with each other, but I’m mostly certain that they’re the only ones who want to try! (…)”

 

NOTES ON DECISION  
-Form approved due to the unanimous agreement that it is the best course of action. And it will get the Company, Dís, and Baggins off our backs. - Dáin Ironfoot.

-I sent the approval notice to Baggins myself and forwarded a copy to the CFMOD personnel. You incompetent fools kept ignoring my requests to do so and I’ve received over twenty emails and a piece of hate mail on the issue in the past two hours. - Smaug Arany.

[Edition by: _Not an authorized user – Override code 1_ ] Congratulatory _Bletia catenulata_ delivered to the CFMOD office. The card includes your signatures – don’t embarrass yourselves by confessing your lack of involvement in it. Have a delightful weekend! - Gandalf.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Remember to go check out the [lovely tumblr](http://gatheringfiki.tumblr.com/tagged/fikiweek2018) organizing these events, and the other fanworks for Fiki Week 2018!


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